Posts tagged alica keys

Have you been able to speak to Alicia since that dinner?
We don’t talk. We don’t have any business talking unless it has something to do with my baby.

Tell me more about this house.
We moved here in 2004. This was his dream house. We moved here with hopes of fixing everything… we needed a new roof, we needed maintenance. We bought this house knowing it was a project and that he had to fix it, but this was his dream house and when he left, he let it fall apart. Black mold, leaks everywhere. Not only was I dealing with that and them, [but] I had to deal with how my son and myself were living. When the marriage fell apart, so did the house.

Is this house under his name or both of your names?
It’s our house. But I just need to get out of here. There are just too many memories, and it’s just too big environmentally [Laughs].

Have you been getting your alimony and child-support payments?
Everything is perfect now, but there was a time where shit was a little rocky. At first there was an issue, but now we’re in a good place. He realizes it’s just something you have to do. It’s a part of divorce. He is really trying to be a better person to me and he’s doing an excellent job at being a better dad. But I still have to get out of this house. It’s too big and I just want to start over somewhere new; some place that has absolutely no memories of my marriage. I’m really excited to leave. I’ve been packing for months.

You’re currently working on a memoir, Death of a Mermaid. I’m sure there’s a story behind that title.
When this all happened, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I sat in my house for a year. By the second year, I had things more in perspective. I figured, okay, writing is what I did when he met me. Death of a Mermaid stems from my pool. When we first moved in, the pool needed renovation. We had pool specialists come and show me all these different tile samples and I said ‘I want a mermaid in the pool and I want her to look like me.’ So I had them create this mosaic at the bottom of the pool. When [Swizz] left, he stopped paying the pool payments. So my pool became a swamp and my mermaid died because I couldn’t see her anymore. And every time I walked down my bedroom stairs and looked out those big windows, I saw the swamp. It made me remember the good times and the mermaid and how happy I was when I created her. The mermaid represents me. People automatically think that the book is going to be about [Swizz and Alicia], but it’s a spiritual journey. It’s about a young girl growing up in Harlem with nothing but dreams. Struggling. Scrambling up money to get on the train and go to the studio. Doing all these different things without a manager, getting a deal and being involved in the whole beginning of commercial hip-hop. My book is about my life and coming into my own. Even experiencing… Should I say it? [Hesitant] Experiencing… situations with music industry guys and how they treat women.

Something happened that wasn’t supposed to?
Yeah and just being unprotected in that type of situation where you feel like, ‘Okay I want to do this and make it happen then you come into some shit like, Oh my God this wasn’t supposed to be a part of it’ [Whispers: ‘I should just say it… it could be good for other women’]… experiencing date rape within the music industry. Going from that, to meeting someone that accepted me and stood up for me. When Swizz found out… I was very honest with what happened to me and I told him who did it. And he stepped to them and he told them, ‘This is my girl now and I want to make sure that there’s respect. I know what happened, but I just want to make sure that you know this is what it is. And I need respect in this situation from now on.’ Because [the offender] was somebody we knew we would constantly run into.

Wow, a record exec?
I can’t even tell you girl. I never said anything because I was like, ‘There’s no making it out of this okay.’ Because as a young girl, by me opening my mouth about this, I’m either going to fuck the rest of my career up or I’m going to end up getting someone locked up, and I don’t want to do that. So I just dealt with it and I knew what to do and what not to do ever again. You can’t blame people all the time because if I hadn’t put myself in that situation then it wouldn’t have happened. So I took 50% of the blame.

Did you have a feeling sex was going to be involved when you met with that man?
No. It wasn’t a part of the agenda, but it did. It wasn’t rape to the point where I was screaming. Date rape and rape are totally different. But rape is rape. Bottom line, when you say ‘No,’ it’s supposed to be no. I walked away saying, ‘I can’t believe this shit just happened.’ It opened my eyes to know what to do next and what not to do. A lot of young girls are lost; they don’t know how to make it out.

That’s the truth. It was really big of Swizz to stand up for you. What were the beginnings of your relationship like?
What people don’t know about me is that I got my first publishing deal when I was 18 with Warner Chapel Music, I got my first record deal with Columbia Records when I was 19. This was all before I met Swizz. He saw my picture in a studio and was like ‘She’s beautiful. I want her.’ When we met, we were crazy about each other. We fell in love hard. In the very beginning of our relationship, I had a lot more money than him and he would rarely want to stay at my place. So I’d give in and go to his apartment, which had no furniture. We’d sleep on the floor with our winter coats on. This was all when he was just starting out. That’s how far back we go.

Damn. So what helped you to finally let go of all the pain?
Pilates helped me so much that first year. For those couple hours of doing Pilates nothing else would matter because you are so focused. You’re learning all these breathing techniques and breathing, I swear, it cleans you out. It pushes out a lot of that negative energy. I also bought a lot of spiritual books on the universe and the laws of life. Once you start realizing that things really do happen for a reason, you accept it and stop fighting the world. There is one book called The Secret of Life, and it’s about letting go of false emotions. I realized that the pain I felt wasn’t coming from him or her, it was coming from me. I had to change.

Do you look at marriage differently at all?
No. I would get married again, but this time to someone who is completely happy with themselves and in a place in their life where they want to be. I’ll definitely get married again one day, no time soon though.

How do you think Swizz answers the question, ‘What ended your marriage?’
Knowing him, he’d probably say we grew apart. It sounds ridiculous, because you’re not supposed to grow apart. People just don’t understand the concept of marriage. They do it, just to do it sometimes.

What would be your advice to women dating within the industry?
I would avoid it completely. People in the industry… a lot of them are just that. They can’t turn off, they are always on, they forget who they really are and they think they are just this athlete or this rapper all the time. And they get a pass for doing foul shit, that’s just how it is. You don’t want to be apart of that. You need to be with somebody who understands when they are messing up and that can stop and fix their shit. Someone that doesn’t strive off what everyone else thinks of them.

What’s most important to you right now?
My son. My independence. I especially love helping women. WEEN (The Women in Entertainment Empowerment Network) just invited me to join the Honorary Chair Committee for their second annual awards. I’m very, very proud of that. I also love volunteering. Sanctuary For Families… this shelter is incredible. They take in women that were domestically abused in any shape and they take in their children. Give them shelter, legal support, health, put the kids in school, it’s incredible. I wanted to do something for women that go through what I went through on a different level. You always think, ‘Oh my God, I’m so bad off, I can’t believe he did that to me.’ And then you hear stories from these women and realize how blessed you are.

How long have you been working for them?
I started last year. I’m very involved. The mothers sometimes just need people to talk to. I give a lot of donations.

I’m sure you’ve received a bunch of reality TV offers as well.
I’ve been offered three shows in the past two years, but I’m not ready for that. My life has been so publicly displayed already, I need some form of privacy. I’m more into producing reality TV than being on a show, but I might make a few guest appearances like Shaunie O’Neal.

Will you be writing more after Death of a Mermaid?
Yes, I’m actually working on a book of quotes. There’s also some film stuff. I’m in the process of forming a production-publishing company. And just got certified as a professional interior designer… looking to get a Pilates certification as well. There’s a lot going on. Women can get so caught up in love and totally forget about themselves, so it’s always important to have your own thing going on.

It’s been awhile since we last heard a music record from you. Will we be seeing another Mashonda album any time soon?
I love music, it’s how I began. I’ve received some offers to work with different producers to come up with an album [that] I’m going to entertain it; I’m in the studio working on a lot of writing and recording. Right now, I want to sell a lot of songs to different artists.

So folks shouldn’t anticipate a heart-wrenching, personal ballad anytime soon, right?
I will at some point, but not right now. Right now I want to do music to make people happy. I’m just not on that page of letting people only talk about this situation. Don’t want to stay in that realm. I’m not even looking for a record deal, I’m just being free. I like it that way. I’m not using this situation as a publicity stunt to try and get other things going. I’m not going to live off them and their names. I don’t want to be remembered as an ex-wife that went through a time of public divorce.

What do you want to be remembered for?
Making women stronger.  —Tracy Garraud

Props to vibe for a wonderful interview…Now there are 2 sides to every story ,
but until Alicia Keys opens her mouth and addresses the allegations,
she will ALWAYS get the side eye from me =o/